


We're Not Bad People, We Just Come From A Bad Place

by Perpetualstranger



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky is a mess, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Mentions of Comic Canon, Mirrors, Mostly MCU, Natasha's got this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 02:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1533578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perpetualstranger/pseuds/Perpetualstranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winter Soldier keeps showing up at Natasha's place and she decides to let him stay so he can sort out his issues. They work it out some conventional ways, and some not so conventional ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Not Bad People, We Just Come From A Bad Place

**Author's Note:**

> After listening to wonderful song My Body Is A Cage by Arcade Fire while thinking about Bucky/Natasha, I had to write this. 
> 
> The title of this fic is inspired by a quote from the film Shame which I haven't seen in forever actually...
> 
> The Winter Soldier is referred to as James in this story since that's the name Nat knew him by. It's still the same guy. Just didn't want to confuse anybody. 
> 
> Since the WS doesn't talk much in Cap 2, I'm mostly basing his characterization on the comics. The MCU still plays heavily into this though. NOT SPOILER FREE.
> 
> I don't own anything.
> 
> (I'm trying out a new writing style, so I apologize if it's a little too descriptive/wordy. And also for any typos)

Natasha returned from an unsuccessful attempt at disposing of Johan Astakov. He was one of the many figures of her past that wanted her dead for leaking the information of her illegal deeds done at their request. As a man wanting to run for governor, it didn't help his chances when the truth came out that he hired the Black Widow to assassinate his former competition. Before attempting to brutally attack her, Johan told Natasha what the meaning of his name was. "'God is gracious.' Me? Not so much." She managed to make it out alive when he had her gunned down and chased by four rabid German Shepherds.

Natasha pressed the elevator button and released a deep sigh when it dinged and the doors slid open. An old man named Yamir carrying a hefty cardboard box atop his balding head came bustling into the lobby, shaking his wooden cane to get her attention. She immediately extended her hand out to stop the door from closing on him, he giving her a toothy grin of thanks as he shuffled inside. He tried to carry out some small talk with her, but Natasha only knew a little Arabic. She was pretty sure he had invited her over for dinner with his family, but she wasn't too sure. She kindly told him to the best of her abilities that she didn't understand the language. He smiled at her again and elected to shimmy his narrow hips to the elevator music. Natasha looked away from the chipper man towards the fake crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling, rattling as the elevator came to an abrupt stop. They gave each other feeble waves goodbye before parting to their own flats.

Natasha pondered how odd it was to come into contact with such different people. There would always be people like Johan, but there would also be people like Yamir. This made it exceptionally hard for Natasha to define humanity. Her mind was preoccupied by these thoughts as she carried out the mindless task of unlocking her door and flicking on the light switch. The subtle whistling sound of a breeze and a shift in the room temperature led the spy to deduce there was an open window. This was a hard feat to accomplish considering all the windows in the apartment complex had bars on the outside. The lights in her flat always took a few moments to flicker to life, making it slightly difficult to assess her situation. Sure enough, there sat someone at her kitchen table by an open window. The metal bars had been effectively ripped away. The lights stopped flickering and she could see who it was in all his glory.

 ~~James.~~ The Winter Soldier.

Natasha was different as she stood before him. She donned her usual catsuit, but it lacked the Black Widow embellishments. She needed no longer to be associated with the name- to anything or anyone for that matter. Her hair was cut into a short bob, fiery tresses falling in soft waves that framed her face. Full lips curled downward into a frown, creating a dimple that the Winter Soldier hadn't noticed before- Or maybe he had noticed at one point in time when his memories of Natasha were still fresh in his tainted mind. He gave her kudos for staying firm under his unrelenting glare, her hand not trembling as she reached out to drop her keys into a bowl. His shoulders were hunched, legs spread open, metal arm leaning against the table she ate her eggs at that morning. Natasha's careful eyes focused on how his prosthetic fingers coiled into a fist before looking back to his face. His steely, hooded eyes had wisps of matted hair hanging in front of them. His sculpted jaw (with poorly shaved facial hair, as if he used a rusty razor to clean himself up) clenched as James gritted his teeth together- The teeth that once grazed and softly bit into Natasha's flesh. The vague image of him driving into Natasha as he sunk his teeth into the nape of her neck flickered in his mind much like the lights in her apartment.

"You can't keep showing up here." Natasha's warning voice made James flinch as the visual was cut short before he could try and remember her face. "It's not safe." She didn't specify who it wasn't safe for, but the meaning wasn't lost to him. Natasha leaned against the paint chipped wall with her arms crossed, feigning casualty. She stood just out of arm's reach from him, and he wondered if she did that on purpose. Her body was obviously strung up, her sculpted eyebrows narrowing over distant eyes. "Am I the one putting you in danger?" James inquired cautiously, his voice rasping as if he hadn't talked in a long time. His metal arm extending out to hold her hip, his thumb feeling for the gun wound he gave her in Iran. "I need to go to the bathroom." Natasha stated before stalking off towards another door. The door had frosted glass panels, allowing James to see a blurred outline of Natasha undressing as she shed her suit off. It all reminded him of his memories- out of reach and a blurred mess in his mind.

Moments of quietness washed over until the muffled sound of a chair scraping against the floor broke Natasha's train of thought. Despite all the stealth training, she could still hear the heavy and rhythmic creak of the floorboards as James approached. If a ghost had walked through her apartment, the floorboards still would've creaked. The thought reminded Natasha of Steve's words: _'Let's find out what the ghost wants.'_ Was that what she was doing? Did she not kick him out because she was curious, or still harbored feelings for him? That's the only way she could describe him. _A ghost._ The ghost of emotions that still lingered and haunted her. His metal fingers that ghosted against her lonely skin. Most girls dreamed of fairytale romances, not urban legends. She didn't turn to look at James, her eyes fixed on her own reflection. Despite once being intimate with another, being separated for so long caused Natasha to not be as comfortable as she once was with the Winter Soldier. Time heals all wounds, and opens old ones up.

Natasha's wide eyes momentarily flitted in the mirror reflection to see James had taken his shirt and shoes off. Both his arms snaked around her body as she stood in her sports bra and nude colored panties. Despite whatever she was feeling, her body molded against the semi-familiar feel of his sturdy chest. But she couldn't repress the tremor that rolled through her body at the sensation of his metal hand skimming against her bared midsection. "What's troubling you?" James croaked into her ear, his human hand combing the locks of hair behind her ear. Natasha screwed her eyes shut in hopes she could conjure up old memories of when he held her so, and how she felt comforted by it. She strained to keep the memory alive in her mind, but it merely fizzled away. "This feels-" When Natasha tilted her head so she could look at James head on, the words faltered from her mouth. His pleading eyes fixed so intently on her was rather distracting. She could feel his arms subtly tighten around her like a child does when they don't want their toy to be taken away.

_"Wrong."_

"Natalia-" "Please don't call me that." Natasha removed herself from his arms and turned to face him, leaning back against the marble counter. "We aren't those people anymore." She forced herself to maintain eye contact as she protectively crossed her arms over her chest. What was she protecting herself from? James was no threat to her- not anymore at least. He always left when she told him to and respected her wishes. So what was it that changed? "I don't remember much," The Winter Soldier confessed, his eyes dropping to the floor, absentmindedly mapping the pattern of the moldy tiles. "But I know I vowed that those who controlled me wouldn't get the best of me." He looked back up at Natasha, surveying her face for any semblance of understanding. "They tried to separate us. I can't let them win." His lips tightened as he fought with himself to keep going. "I can't let them take you from me." Natasha's body went limp at his pleading words, her arms falling by her sides. "I was never yours for the taking." She stated firmly, not caring who it was- She wouldn't make the mistake of allowing anyone to control her.

"I know." James uttered as he deposited himself in her arms, lips brushing against her cheek as they moved to form the words. "That's what I admired the most about you." Natasha didn't want to think about how many possible meanings that phrase held when his lips were upon hers. His metal hand cradled the back of her neck as he deepened the kiss. Natasha couldn't stop her fingers from sifting through his tangled locks of hair as his teeth sunk into her bottom lip. Her lips parted open to release a soft moan at the sharp sensation, allowing his tongue to enter her mouth. He pressed himself firm against Natasha as her trimmed fingernails grazed his chest, skin reddening from the action. "I've missed you, James." Natasha breathed, his forehead pressed against hers as his sharp eyes bore into her. He captured her lips again while his hands cupped her supple backside and scooped her into his arms. Their lips didn't break apart when he deposited her atop the countertop. She felt her back mold against the mirror as he subtly rolled his hips against her. "I still do." Natasha whispered, panting into his ear before nibbling on the lobe. Now it was his turn to try and distract himself from thinking about all the possible meanings that phrase held.

James lifted Natasha's hips off the countertop as he slipped her panties off, she busying herself with pulling her sports bra over her head. His fingers skimmed her bare thighs, the cold metal ones forming a surprisingly gentle grip on her hip and tilting them up. Natasha bit her bottom lip to suppress herself from telling him to hurry up. He was always so infuriatingly meticulous and careful when it came to cleaning his weapons, why should sex be any different? James nuzzled his head in between Natasha's legs, the sensation of his stubble scratching against her skin causing a tremor to roll from her head to her toes which curled in anticipation. He hoisted her legs over his shoulders and Natasha tried to concentrate on how the muscles there rippled under his skin instead of his warm breath fanning against her entrance. James licked a stripe up her slick folds, secretly reveling in how wet she was. His heart stuttered in his chest when his eyes flickered up to meet hers. Natasha's chest heaved as she looked down upon the man between her legs, her cheeks flushing on their own accord. The surprisingly innocent action of her blushing made James chuckle, the sound humming against her sensitive spot. This just frustrated Natasha who elected to squeeze her thighs together, forcing his head closer so he would get a move on.

James cupped her thighs as he went down on her, his tongue delving inside her wet heat. Natasha bit down hard on her lip and propped herself on her hands so she could see the things he was doing to her. The contrast of his rough stubble brushing against her sensitive flesh and his soft tongue flicking at her clit caused the redhead to throw her head back and cry out. While Natasha prided herself for the control she had over her body, her hips careened against his diligent tongue and fingers. She felt the heat intensify all around, colors flashing behind her eyes that she screwed shut. She knew she wouldn't last much longer as she felt her body begin to tighten up. Natasha couldn't stop herself from tangling her fingers through the soldier's disheveled locks of hair and guiding him to the right spot. The sound of James almost growling against her as he began to suck and graze his teeth against her clit caused Natasha to spiral out of control. James pulled away so he could watch her unravel, his human fingers graciously substituting his mouth. Natasha's arms that were supporting her body trembled, taut stomach clenching as heat coursed through her body. She slowly licked her lips that parted open, releasing a soft cry as she came. When her eyes slowly blinked open, Natasha was met by the pleasant image of James on his knees and her arousal glistening on his stubbled face.

"Why are you still wearing those pants?" Natasha panted softly, nimble fingers moving to undo the buttons and ridding him of the garment. When she slipped off the counter, she cursed herself for wobbling slightly as she dropped to her feet. James chuckled and attempted to lead her out of the bathroom when Natasha grabbed his shoulders and pulled him down, his lips still wet from her come crashing against hers. James thought he'd be a gentleman and take her in the bed properly, but he was perfectly content with this change of plans. One of Natasha's hands brushed down his chest, finding the soldier leaning desperately towards her feather light touch. When her slender fingers wrapped around his hardened cock and gave it a stroke, James pulled his lips away with a soft smacking sound as a low moan was drawn from his throat.

"I want you inside me, James." Natasha whispered sweetly into his ear, hand slipping from his cock to twirl a strand of hair around it. He released a mixture of a groan and a frustrated huff at her teasing. "Would you like that, soldier?" She got off her tip toes and fell back on her heels, deceivingly dewy eyes flickering to meet his hungry glare. He let out a throaty growl before pulling her fast against his sweaty chest, his lips crashing against hers once more in a desperate manner. Natasha had to hold both the sides of his face to pull his lips away. "Do you want to take me or not?" She asked firmly, fingernails biting into his shoulders just enough to get his attention. "Yes- God yes." James breathed, resting his forehead on hers while his hips rutted so his straining erection brushed against her thigh. When she made no further requirements, he flipped Natasha around so she faced the mirror. As two fingers generously massaged her core, the once brainwashed soldier wondered if Natasha was allowing him to take over because she liked it that way, or because she knew how important and rare the concept of control was to him. He took his swollen cock in hand and brushed it against her clit. Natasha's fingers tightened against the ledge of the countertop, teeth sinking into her bottom lip to repress a whimper.

Without much further ado, James rutted his hips into Natasha, filling her up from behind. Natasha cried out from the unusual angle in which his cock filled her. He watched in the mirror as her eyes screwed shut and her full lips parted open at the sensation. His metal hand was a firm support as he continually pulled her hips against him, thrusting into her warmth deeply. His human hand skimmed up the flat expanse of her stomach and claimed her breast. Natasha moaned loudly, throwing her head back against his chest which molded against the arch of her back. The warmth of her breath caressed the damp skin of James' neck as she panted softly before pressing a surprisingly tender kiss there. His human fingers traveled to her mess of curls dampened with sweat and fisted them, angling Natasha so he could pull her in for a kiss. Their lips moved evenly against one another, James' tongue entered her mouth as his cock repeatedly filled her from behind. Natasha moaned at the feel of his soft tongue which once brought her to her first orgasm was now exploring her mouth. His hips began to stutter and he pulled away from her full lips breathless. James buried his head into the crook of Natasha's shoulder and cried out in her ear as he came violently, his come filling her up. She tightened around his throbbing cock and rutted back against him as her own orgasm took over.

They stayed like that for some time, his cock inside her as they both caught their breath. Natasha closed her eyes and tried to relive the unadulterated pleasure that lined James' face as he came. His usually hard set expression melted away as he held onto her so tightly. It was a moment she vowed to never let anyone take away from them. She'd rather be shot dead with the memory etched into mind than have it washed away. James loved how Natasha's usual tightly strung body went lax in his strong arms. Her body practically sticking to him as sweat pooled in the cavity of his heaving chest. He tried not to think of how many times they had been intimate like this before, and just couldn't remember it. He looked down at Natasha and kissed her neck, before pulling his softened cock out with a quiet hiss. She moved to sit on the countertop again, her tired legs swaying idly as she looked at the moldy ceiling.

"It feels good to know I can make people scream for reasons other than pain." James confessed in a small voice, choking on the broken words. Natasha straightened her neck and opened her bleary eyes, tears spilling onto her flushed cheeks. James hesitantly reached forward and brushed the rolling tears away. Although he used his robotic hand, the action was no less human. He wondered if she was crying from the after effects of her second orgasm, or his statement had made her emotional. The former was more probable considering the few things the soldier still remembered about her. Natasha didn't ask, merely extended her arms out so James would scoop her up and carry her tired body to bed. He left the bathroom and looked confusedly around her flat for the bedroom.

"Where's it at?" The Winter Soldier looked down at Natasha who was almost dozing off in his arms. Instead of replying verbally, she jerked her head towards an entryway with a curtain covering it. James huffed and brushed the fabric away to find a small room with nothing but a radiator, a set of sniper rifles, and a dingy mattress on the floor. He set her down on the mattress and loomed over her for a moment, head tilting curiously as he watched her chest rise and fall. The mattress sank under Winter's weight, Natasha eventually turning in his arms so she could burry her head under his chin.

"I feel empty when I don't have a mission. I feel out of control now because I have too much of it." James confessed, his body deflating as the words passed his lips. Natasha propped herself on her elbow so she could look at the soldier, eyes narrowing as tried to think of the right response. "Your purpose in life isn't to take the lives of others." She carefully brushed a stray lock of hair off his face to join the rest. "You did what it took to survive, that doesn't mean you enjoyed it." As the words came out, Natasha wondered if she was actually comforting James, or justifying her own twisted past. "But that's the only time I ever felt _good_ Natal-" His lips tightened when he accidentally uttered her old name. "Natasha." James corrected himself in an even tone before slumping his head against her. "It feels right not to feel anything at all." He wished to keep his head buried in her cleavage forever. Her skin was smooth and supple under his touch, the faint scent of her perfume and sex filling his nose. He heard Natasha sigh before her fingers claimed his chin and tilted it upwards so he would look at her.

"I've seen heartless, and I don't see it in you." Natasha nodded softly down at him before returning to her original position of burying her head into his shoulder. _Who ever you are._ She didn't dare utter those words, knowing Winter was in a vulnerable state. "And what do you see?" James tried to hide the pleading tone in his voice as he pulled Natasha closer against his chest, his forehead pressed against hers. "Oh, I don't know." She didn't meet his tormented eyes, instead electing to fiddle with his robotic hand before it intertwined with hers. "A beautiful man with an ugly past." Natasha looked at him through her eyelashes, an innocent smirk slipping onto her face. "Nothing I can't handle, that's for sure." James exhaled in relief at her words before kissing her one last time. "мой маленький паук." His lips brushed against Natasha's as he uttered the name that suddenly resurfaced in his mind. Natasha pulled an itchy blanket lying on the ground over their tangled bodies, occupying herself with the clicking sound of the ceiling fan while James fell asleep. Her mind mulled over how there were people like Johan, and people like Yamir. But there were also people like them who fell in the middle- People who were good at heart, but tainted by people who had none.

**Author's Note:**

> The Russian at the end is translated to mean "My Little Spider". 
> 
> Johan and Yamir are just characters I made up, they have no real significance to the story.
> 
> Also, the part at the beginning where it says Johan explains his name, God is Gracious. If I didn't make it clear enough, the name Johan translates to mean God Is Gracious. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks for any and all feedback, it is graciously appreciated.


End file.
